Stephenie Meyer
Nicholas Sparks
Dan Brown
Glenn Beck
James Patterson
Gabrielle Charbonnet
John Boyne
Jennifer Weiner
Snooki
Any other member of the Jersey Shore cast
Marty Beckerman
Jodi Picoult
Greg Behrendt
Jennifer Belle
Miley Cyrus and her ghostwriters
Meg Cabot
L. J. Smith
Ellen Schreiber
Elizabeth Eulberg
Rhonda Byrne
Robert James Waller
Sarah Palin and her ghostwriters
50 cent and his ghostwriters
James Franco
Zoey Dean
Sue Grafton
P.C. and Kristen Cast
Lisa Gardner
Cynthia Eden
Amanda Marrone
Alyson Noel
Lisi Harrison
Cate Tiernan
Danielle Steel
Justin Bieber and his ghostwriters
Taylor Swift
Laura Ingraham
Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Christopher Paolini
Katie Price and her ghostwriters
Elisabeth Gilbert
Alexander McCall Smith
Bryce Courtenay
Laurell K. Hamilton
Harlan Coben
J. R. Ward
Christine Feehan
Debbie Macomber
Maeve Binchy
Michael Dibdin
Bristol Palin and her ghostwriters
James Redfield
Gwyneth Paltrow and her ghostwriters
…
Suggestions for additions? Leave a comment.
O, O, I know, damn I can’t think of her name. She has an entire friggin series of ‘crime who dunnit’ stuff – every title has a letter of the alphabet (wow, that sounded intelligent!). What I mean is that she works in the letter ‘A’ in the first book, and a ‘B’ in the next, blah blah blah. I think her name is Sue something.
Anyhoo, I raced thru two I believe and felt dirty after, like my mind just rolled in pig shit for two hours.
If I think of her name you’ll be the first to know (I know, stop getting so antsy!)
Damn, that took me all of about 20 seconds. Sue Grafton is her name. One title is ‘U for Undertow’ – probably for her camel toe (and don’t say you didn’t automatically think of the same word) because who the hell would get all the way to letter friggin ‘U’. Serioulsy. Their brain would be goo.
Added!
That would be great! Email me @ writers_plus@yahoo.com if you get a minute. Thanx!
Jen
You forgot P.C. Cast, Cynthia Eden, Amanda Marrone, Alyson Noel, Lisi Harrison and Cate Tiernan. If I think of more, I’ll let you know.
All valid! Especially Lisi Harrison.
Danielle Steel anyone?
Definitely. Adding her now!
Thank you, thank you for this list.
These authors are mind-numbingly bad. Add crap editing into the mix & that leaves me wanting to smack someone…
I would add the guy who wrote eragon : Christopher Paolini.
His better-than-everything/animal-metamorph/we-cry-every-time-we-stomp-on-an-ant elfs are the med-fan equivalent of Stephanie Meyer sparkle-in-sunlight (solar batteried?) vampires and his story is going nowhere. It’s vaguely moralist, full of overcooked cliches and characters with improbable names and… awfully predictible.
STEPHEN KING. His books make no fucking sense.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, author of ‘literary gems’ such as “Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives”, “Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives”, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”, etc.
If I had to sum them up:
“I am going to judge you if you are not Christian and barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen. Oh, and if you disagree with me, you are trampling on my first amendment rights because the right to free speech has NOTHING to do with people having the right to disagree and hold me accountable for my bullshit!”
Also, seconding Paolini, the little turd.
Oh, God. I think I have seen this woman’s books at freaking Walmart. Sounds like what Sarah Palin would spew if she dumped the ghostwriters and decide to give relationship advice. Going right on the list!
Katie Price and her ghostwriters. Working in a discount bookstore and selling many, many copies of her books almost set off a minor existential crisis in my life.
People actually buy those?? Who on earth are those people?
Alexander McCall Smith…so much nothing in his books that it’s a wonder they can even get a printing press to turn over and not flail at the thin air.
Added;)
Please add Lisa Gardner. She is brutal.
What does she write?
Thank god I am not the only one that thinks Christopher Paolini is an atrocious writer. I’m a writer myself (predictably unpublished) and my mom likes to push me to publish by saying things like, “The guy who wrote Eragon… He published at 16!” and “Stephen King wrote a book for writers! YOU SHOULD READ ITTTTT.”
I read the first Twilight novel before all the hype managed to reach me. And even before I finished it, I was wishing and hoping with all my sad little heart that Bella would turn out to be a character I didn’t want to throttle. Besides that, I asked myself repeatedly during the course of the book, who wants to read about high school? Really? Who?
The answer: Those in high school or about to go into high school, or perhaps just as common, those lusting after lost youth. All idiots, I assure you.
Stephen King’s writing book is a really pleasant read, surprisingly enough.
Yup. The crazy part are the “Twilight moms”. High school is so far in the past for (most of) them, yet they just eat that shit up.
Laurell K. Hamilton. Awful, awful books. The first 1.5 books in the Anita Blake series were palateable, but basically now she just writes about how her (short, but undeniably GORGEOUS) female lead has NO CHOICE but to sex up everything that will hold still. Human or no….
It’s so true. There was hope for an interesting read consisting maybe of an almost realistic female lead…almost. I’ll never forgive Hamilton for ruining the whole thing. What the hell is with any sort of romance in novels automatically have to be two hot guys fighting over one chick? Every time.
Bryce Courtenay for clunky plotting, cardboard characters, stories that are too long by half a kilogram, uninspiring turns of phrase, dull conflicts without any real zing…oh, fuckit, everything.
Harlan Coben, J. R. Ward, Christine Feehan, Debbie Macomber. I work in a bookstore, I could go on all day. Also, Melanie Rawn. I had a customer recommend her books to me once on the basis that I liked George R. R. Martin…unforgivable.
I Stumbled onto your website tonight. I do not find anything in your blogs about self-publishers nor do I recognize any authors on the sh*tlist as being self-publishers. With a sigh of relief I read the entire list, for my name isn’t on it. Of course, being one of those who did it myself, I wouldn’t expect to be on any list. If you are curious you can see my book at http://stores.lulu.com/fwfproductions.
Perhaps I should rethink this; I am not sure it would be so bad being on your list. Seems like an awful lot of people have read those books and expressed opinions on them. I, too, might have cried all the way to the bank.
I think you need to add Sarah Palin a few more times. Maybe Snooki’s new book needs a review as well. I just stumbled on your blog today and I’ve sent it on to everyone I know. LOVE IT.
Oh, yeah. A Snooki review is definitely coming.
Please, please, please add James Redfield. Crime #1: “The Celestine Prophecy.” I deleted a friend on Goodreads for putting “The Twelfth Insight” on her list of books to read.
Added.
I love you already.
You forgot Kate Gosselin.